Teddy Bloggie Blog Blogging

There's no better word for how my life feels right now than "floundering", a term I've borrowed from my friend Vickie, who used it to describe her sister's situation. I guess it means I'm not a full-time student, nor a full-time employee, nor a full-time care giver as a stay-at-home mom would be. I'm barely clinging on to college life; still picking up the DailyCal (but not daily), still roaming around campus, maybe twice a week, and I'm looking forward to going to a football game this Saturday.

I'm also not yet employed full-time, although I've hurdled through the hoops of resume workshops, job interviews, offers, and rejections. So, in this moment of my life, "floundering" is an appropriate description. But don't cry for me or anything. The word "floundering" has taken on a very positive meaning for me. I'm not constrained by the future like I was as a student. Being a student is tough. You always have to think ahead and carry the stresses of having to complete assignments, prepare papers, and take tests, with you. Learning is fun though, I admit, and I miss that aspect of being in classrooms. I've never really held a 9-5 job for more than a few weeks as a temp, so I'm not one to comment on those. I'm sure people get used to wearing the 9-5 job as an employee as students get used to their backpacks, but for now I've chosen to wear nothing - nothing at all. Well, actually... that's not exactly accurate. I've just completed a GRE course and I've been asked to teach the course starting next month. I'm getting involved in doing an afterschool project at McClymonds High, teaching students how to do weblogs, and I'm still tutoring. These things are what I've chosen to do. They're satisfying, uncomplicated, relaxing things to do. A true moment of Zen...

While riding my motorcycle to Berkeley today, I noticed that the weather was uncharacteristically hot, like an indian summer. When I got to Haste and Telegraph, my jacket was damp with sweat. This heat won't last though. Tomorrow the clouds and fog will probably reappear and I bet the San Francisco breeze will pick up once again. Moments in life, like the weather, comes and goes. It was with that thought in mind that I've opened myself to the possibility of getting a real job, a 9 to 5, or perhaps an 8 to 5. Reasonable people get real jobs I'm told. So tomorrow, 8am sharp, I'll be talking to the Chief Economist at just-another-consulting-firm about why I should be the man for the job, why it's I who should put valuations on people's life and businesses for litigation purposes.

It's not all Gog and Magog though, I've learned something in the past few months: I'm a good flounder, maybe in the 98 percentile of all flounders. Floundering for me is one way to thrive. I'm writing this so that in the event I actually stopped floundering, got a real job, and began following the school, I can be reminded weeks, months and years from now, that around September 19th 2002, my life was serendipitous, a paradoxical period of tumultuous calm.