Brett recently reminded me of how all our high school friends are "dropping like flies". Of course, by this he means that everyone's getting married and having kids, or, are unmarried and have kids. Wayne's talking about his friend in Oregon with three kids. Angie's on her third marriage. Tina, Kyndal, and Holy, three inseparable high school friends, are now all moms, something of a trifecta. I'm 24, so they have to be about my age. There's something unsettling in thinking about how everyone's getting married and having children, partly because the last time I saw many of them was in high school. They're still smoking and drinking and staying up till 4am in my mind. It's got to be a huge energy-sapping responsibility to raise a little human. I couldn't do it. I'm not even reliable enough to water the lawn everyday. That's why there are sprinklers. There should be baby sprinklers.
Meanwhile, the statistics tell us that the U.S. birth rate is at an all time low, it was 13.9 per 1,000 persons in 2002.
Oh well, here's to escaping the madness. And there's definitely some madness in growing up in life-defining leaps and responsibility ushering bounds. And it definitely crosses some options off your list once you're a mom or a dad. Can't really take a solo trip to any place that ends in -stan for about 18yrs. Have to rethink riding motorcycles without life insurance. No working day and night to get ahead in your career (though this might be a plus). Not easy in any case.
I noticed one thing in all these conversations: those who get married and have kids are more often those people who stay in the place that they grew up. Maybe they're the ones who gave up on solo trips to afghanistan or tadzhikistan. In labor economics, there are studies about how college delays family life (but there could be self selection going on, whereby the people who want to have kids aren't going to college so college isn't a cause, it's just correlation). There's also a huge selection bias in my observation since I'm mostly going on information from people I've grown up with. Anyone with anecdotal evidence of the opposite?
Just so you don't misunderstand and think I'm totally negative about the subject, I can see the counter-argument too: the miracle of childbirth, the genetic programming in our hormone filled blood, and the life enriching experience. On balance though, I don't get it. In my harshest moments, it seems like giving up. I think that's why squids and many other animals die after giving birth. See, I haven't grown up. I can't reason this out. I think this type of logic has to come in life-defining leaps and responsibility ushering bounds. No baby steps.
P.S. In some future entry, I'll probably try to figure out what my opinion is on the socially constructed institution of marriage. In lots of ways it seems a bit superfluous to me. Why do we need it in the 21st century? Can we do without it?
Comments (1)
well, i'd agree that you still haven't grown up, at least in some aspects. and do squids really die after they give birth? i didn't know that, and the nature channel didn't mention this fact when i was watching it the other night... i guess i'd agree that most of the people i know who are married or have kids or both do not have college degrees, but i also know a few people who are in these situations and did graduate from college. maybe it is more common for people with higher education to delay the marriage and kid life a little longer, but one should not generalize. also, there were a few people in my classes who gave up going to college at my age to have a family and are now going back to school after putting their kids through school.
to comment on your p.s., i think the institute of marriage has changed a bit since our parents' and grandparents' generation. back in the day, people got married because the woman was supposed to take care of the home life while the man supported his family. i think the idea of marriage has changed now, i think it's more of a companionship-through-life instead of someone financially supporting someone else. do we really need it? maybe, i think humans are social creatures by nature and seek out the one person to live their lives with, that one special person. can we do without it? i don't know, will it change the social structure of society if marriage was no longer?
Posted by lisa | July 30, 2003 1:53 PM
Posted on July 30, 2003 13:53